It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
