I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im part way to drunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize