Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
