Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
