I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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