i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
