Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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