You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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