Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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