6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize