Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
