Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude. I can hear the air.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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