watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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