i permit you to call me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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