Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Boobs are out for the taking
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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