3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
