I am in a vortex of obligation.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
