just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
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