The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
