There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just high enough for therapy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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