this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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