Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
