Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize