The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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