So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
