Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
