i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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