If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
