Plan B is the new Plan A
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
