I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
