Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pants are for mortals
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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