I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
