Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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