You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
