6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
