trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i will never coherently bang her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize