Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
