and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
