dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
