He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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