I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
