so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
