I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
