My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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