Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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