i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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