Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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