that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
