I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
