fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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