apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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