Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
