i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize