How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
