my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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