someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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