I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
