Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
