Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the condom got lost in my hair
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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