Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
