Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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