I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
