I only kidnapped one of them. chill
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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