Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
