Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
