i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
