I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
