My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
