I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
