My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
