the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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