Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
