Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
