I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
