On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
