Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
