the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
