You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
