just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
