I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
