hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize