I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize