There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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