so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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