ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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