Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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