I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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