Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
