I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
