And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize