Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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