sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
