Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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