I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
