I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My feet surprised me
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