I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
