1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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