I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
