I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
