i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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