i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
