Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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