So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
