proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
