Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
