What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
